HBDA no.4: Evaluate.

I’m sitting here at my dinner table in my new place – drinking tea and gathering my life. Today, I ate pizza rolls for lunch and pancakes for dinner – only certain people would understand that combination. Furthermore, I just got done crying. After I’ve kept my hope up for so long, I hit another one of those walls. I just texted my mother and told her I wasn’t sure about being an artist. When I said it, I knew I wouldn’t quit, but I needed someone to believe in me.

• • •

As an artist, I am deciding to take a step back and reevaluate exactly what I am looking for.  What exactly does it mean to be a “full time artist?” What does it mean to be successful as an artist? Is it being rich? Is it being comfortable? Right now, not being an artist and finding a corporate job seems easy, but I know the easy way has never been for me. Working for myself is in my blood; I come from people who have successfully ran their own businesses. Considering I have not picked up a brush in over a month, I really need to lay aside some of these expectations that have taken the fun out of my craft. With that, I am able to have more of a clear vision of where I’m going.

For the record, I will never quit being an artist, and I’ll never give up on my dreams. Yes, I may have a day where I fall and even shed a tear because supporting myself through my craft can be hard. Most of the time, it’s others that make it hard. My family is hoping that I will be the “successful” one. My peers compare me to the next person. Then, I have my own self telling me that I should be doing more, and some of it is because I’ve spent too much time comparing myself to the next artist. Spending time on social sites will have you feeling like you will never arrive, and I’ve let that get to me before, but now I’m not trying to be like the next artist or the next peer – I’m trying to be the World’s Dopest Artist, which means I’m trying to be the best that I can be and it doesn’t matter how that stacks up to the next.

World’s Dopest Artist

P.S. – I was just commissioned for the first time for a painting. That’s a huge success for me!

Next HBDA post will be in October! How much did you enjoy this series? Let us know in the comments!


3 responses to “HBDA no.4: Evaluate.”

  1. For me to be a 17 year old student in high-school(Senior this year), athlete, and artist, what you said resonated with me so much. All the time I speak in existence that “I will be that next well renowned artist,” but I do get a little discouraged when I see if I’m not making enough money were I can give back to my mother or grandparents. Then how will my craft support me when I’m off on my own? I want to go to college to major in Fine Arts, but when everything is said and done how will I be financially stable? With all the thoughts that may trail through my head, the only thing that keeps me from worrying alot is the faith that God will make a way for me in the usage of the gift that he has blessed me with. Having that faith in something that you have a passion for, and you recongnize that you truly have a miraculous gift for whatever it is that you do, through Christ it’s attainable.

    1. Thanks for commenting! I checked out your work and it’s amazing btw?! Everything you said is encouraging and I can encourage you by saying that if I could do it again, I def would major in art as an undergraduate student. I’m past college now, but I let those thoughts about being financially stable get to me at the beginning and I didn’t put the time into my craft that was needed. Now I’m out of college and trying to put in the time while I support myself otherwise! You’re in a great place and your work is already A1. Like you said, God will make a way. I believe your gift will bring you before great men!??

      1. Kalen McGuire Avatar
        Kalen McGuire

        Why thank you, I appreciate those words of encouragement as well!

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